Mystifying Valley

Feb 3

Second Thoughts

Category: farewell, musings, thoughts

I remember in the past when I came across oversea bloggers who kept moaning about their hesitations in going back home for good, I did not understand why they felt so good about staying abroad being second class immigrants… I certainly didn’t agree with them despite living in UK for almost a decade. I was always desperate to go home so when I graduated, it became a natural decision for me to kick start my career in Malaysia when time comes. All the procedures happened so naturally I didn’t even have a single second thought about this because I was so adamant about my decision.

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We have now more or less finalised our date of departure and we are really busy doing a lot of packing, shipping, selling our belongings and planning for our trip as well as some practical stuff for the near future. It’s when all these things gradually become reality and knowing that what I’ve been longing for is about to be materialised, I start to fret and panic about everything. I’ve got this sudden sense of nostalgia for almost every spot of Liverpool that I’ve been and frequent, such as the cafe that I go to every afternoon during lunch break, the pictureque scenic view that cheers me up every morning when I go to work and so on. I don’t even bitch about the English weather anymore as I know it’s something I will miss very soon. Remember I used to loathe the scoucers and especially their funny accents that I couldn’t stop complaining but now most of my friends are these passionate locals whom I can only communicate and joke around with, wheareas the fellow Malaysian friends that I recently met really make me feel out of place.

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Despite the thought of basking under the hot sun everyday doesn’t sound too appealing nor the lack of manners and the funny attitudes that I’ve been getting by these new acquaintances aren’t helping me much for my emotional preparation, I still remember where I come from and where I should be going from here. Whether I like it or not, I just need to accept it.

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2 Comments so far

  1.  February 5th, 2005 7:21 pm

    Coming home to Malaysia is easy. Being home back in Malaysia isn’t. Somehow or rather, the out of place feeling you get with your Malaysian friends, it’s worse here in Malaysia. You’ll find it strange no one borthers to flash you a smile in the lift or even the supermarket counter, people do not move to the back of the train when it’s packed and idiots at the workplace. Of all the things you will miss the worse will be the quality of life. Malaysia just doesn’t cut it close. Even the food doesn’t taste as good anymore after awhile.

  2.  February 8th, 2005 6:09 pm

    I agree with you, unknown.

    I felt exactly that way when I was visiting Msia last time. Somehow, something is different no matter how you see it. It’s the exposure to the outside world that blinded us from other tiny ugliness of the society we grew up from. Anyway, I totally disagree with those who live/work illegally in other country, they have to understand that going home isn’t a bad thing after all.

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